Experimentation in BDSM
The basic element of BDSM sexuality is one of pure experimentalism. Approaching BDSM with open-mindedness is essential to the enjoyment of BDSM. A commonality between BDSM and other types of sexuality is the spectral nature of the experience. Fetish sexuality exists along a spectrum, perhaps even within a field or universe of its own, and at certain times, the only true tenet in BDSM might be the notion that one cannot enjoy what one has not tried.
A list of hypothetical aesthetic and sexual analogs could be drawn up:
What I do not wish to imply is that my artistic taste or any of my work in music, painting, collage, drawing, photography, or film is influenced by the notion of depicting sexual acts or is intended to be an expression of the emotions tied to sexual activity. All I mean is that the action of choking a blindfolded lover with a belt while she cums multiple times after an hour’s long lead up that involved high-impact flogging, degradation, humiliation, and tit torture—with a harsh noise wall used to drown out the sounds of her moans and her ability to anticipate the next crack of the whip—is about as far removed as you can get from the banality of boring in and out pumping with a club track playing in the background (those types of sexual encounters typically involve the participants fantasizing about other people anyways). I aim to achieve this level of unorthodoxy and rawness in my work, alongside the rational and calculated.
What I am getting at is that the expression of the anomic, the alien, the primal; all those elements of the paradisiacal island of sexual and aesthetic maturity; these are the concepts that I look to express in my music, art, and writing. All by way of experimentation. The promiscuity of forms and content is an exploration that my work is currently focusing itself upon. Building tools from scratch (just as I have built toys from scratch) is also a focus; I currently write patchers in software like MAX and Reaktor for both visual and sound applications. In fetish sexuality, anything can be tried; the gratifying elements are to be retained and the extraneous are to be reserved.
Fetish sexuality co-opts so-called lovemaking (which is an outmoded, strictly confined concept in and of itself) as an act that engages one’s creative faculties. The most intense BDSM experiences are abstract, a sudden and sustained shock of distorted meaning and signification that engages distinct antipodal points of our human instincts (the aggressive and the primal; Eros and Thanatos), into a singular experience in time and space. The experiences are intense, experimental and highly memorable bits of pleasure and pain intertwined with one another. To approach the act of creation in this manner, is not for everybody, and that is the appeal of BDSM.
To get at a really satisfying BDSM experience, one has to explore one’s mind very much in a way that is similar to the methods of the Dadaists and Surrealists. Sexual experiences that have taken place between myself and various partners have been inspired by revelations made in therapy; dreams and nightmares; free writing; films; and the transposition of items not intended for sex into a sexual context (in fact, I pride myself on the ability to be able to walk into a hardware store with $50 and leave with enough material to pleasure a partner for the whole weekend without repeating the same sex act twice).
My early sexual experiences were often boring, by rote experiences of light spanking and gentle hair pulling before I engaged in a long-term study of the human mind and human society. At one point, I intended to formally study sexology and commit myself to a formal research of human sexuality—but I opted for a privately, more personally funded research endeavor instead. Exploring my own psyche involved a long process of dismembering my preconceptions about personal identity, a process of ego-dismemberment that involved experiences that were wide-ranging and unconventional. Part of that self-discovery involved experiences with straight women, gay men, lesbian couples, trans-women and trans-men, married couples, and groups I met through swingers’ clubs and gay bars. These experiences included impact play, wax play, religious play, race play, age play, standard roleplay, WAM, watersports, emetophilia, and so forth. A turning point was when I began constructing my own floggers and canes; spanking benches and restraints; and ultimately realized that fetish sexuality is an art in and of itself that involves an understanding of one’s mind, one’s body, and one’s spirit.
This is the key to creating true art.
Mediation: Scarcity and Saturation
In my life, I have had the recurrence of two extremes of BDSM experience: one with no toys and no paraphernalia; and the other with an overabundance of choices of toys and paraphernalia. Anecdotally, a long term partner and myself had engaged in a lot of different types of play and what we learned was the more complex the experience, the less satisfying it was on a primal level. What we eventually noted, was that when we had spontaneous experiences, say in a friend’s house during a party or in a remote corner of the public library, we still had a satisfying experience due to the presence of our natural sexual apparatus (genitalia and hands). I was still spontaneously capable of choking her, spanking her, and penetrating her. Those experiences were often more satisfying to us than experiences involving a spanking bench, a St. Andrew’s Cross, suspensions, a hitachi, a hundred yards of jute rope, a custom soundtrack, custom lighting, and so forth.
In a technological world, we often forget that we are animals who really only possess the disease of religion, philosophy, opinion, politics, murder, art, music, racism, classism, and the like. We are Idiots. We are over evolved Apes. Our hyperreality is comprised of an abundance of individual choices between sounds, flavors, images, and other sensate experiences. The self-aware realize this and engage both the beast and the intellect. However, these extremes, the primal and the rational, need mediation.
BDSM has taught me the importance of being resourceful when confronted with scarcity but also appreciating saturation and finding a time and place for each extreme. Currently, my work involves a data-saturation of sorts and the utilization of integer sets as generative material for various types of processing and calculation. At other times, my work will involve what might appear as childish scribbling or graffiti markings on paper and canvas. What is important is the mediation between extremes—the primal and the rational—between scarcity and saturation.
BDSM can be an incredibly intellectual, but there is also a state of altered consciousness that is entered. Anybody who has lots of experience and has had satisfying experiences is aware of this state. I need not utter the name of this mental state. Those of us who are initiated know the name of it, and the herd needs to learn it for themselves. Lesser humans have used artificial means to arrive here (think LSD, alcohol, ecstasy, crystal meth, etc.), but this can be achieved by several natural means and BDSM is one of them. For those of us who have experienced great fetish sex, we are well aware of that moment when rationality and intellect cease processing the real and the hyperreal and a trance-state is induced. This is why the spirit has to be maintained alongside the body and the intellect. BDSM is ritualistic and requires endurance, strength, suppleness, and everything in between. BDSM is a true yin and yang experience, as I have said, a mediation.
I am including a list of books, films, and music that have influenced my explorations of the fetish lifestyle throughout the years. While this list is not definitive and it is merely subjective, these have all helped me to understand these concepts and I recommend that those who are interested familiarize themselves with these works. Some of them deal with unorthodox sexuality, others are merely unorthodox:
The Psychick Bible by Genesis Breyer P-Orridge
Liber Null by Peter J. Carroll
Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
The New Topping Book by Janet W. Hardy
Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl
Sex, Drugs and Magick by Robert Anton Wilson
Modern Sex Magick by Donald Michael Kraig
The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
120 Days of Sodom by Marquis de Sade
Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille
A Season in Hell by Arthur Rimbaud
Illuminations by Arthur Rimbaud
Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
Cities of the Red Night by William S. Burroughs
The Soft Machine by William S. Burroughs
The Job by William S. Burroughs
The Death of Bunny Munro by Nick Cave
Crash by JG Ballard
Music for Bondage Performance by Merzbow
Clitoris Projectile Pump Action by Masonna
Ejaculation Generator by Masonna
Adoration of the Faceless Woman split by Vomir/Paranoid Time
Filmworks V: Tears of Ecstasy by John Zorn
Ganryu Island by John Zorn and Michihiro Sato
The String Quartets by John Zorn
STRGTHS by SHXCXCHCXSH
The Disintegration Loops by William Basinski
My Love is a Bulldozer by Venetian Snares
The Piano Teacher (2001)
In the Realm of the Senses (1976)
Rubber’s Lover (1996)
Año Bisiesto (2010)
Get My Belt (2013)
9 1/2 Weeks (1986)
Pink Flamingos (1972)
A Dirty Shame (2004)
964 Pinnochio (1991)
Visitor Q (2001)
Graphic Sexual Horror (2009)
shit pours from my lips
it fills the candlestick with gas and perfume
corpses intertwine like egos
and drips of alcohol
ignite their perfume
can you believe there is no censorship
left in the newspaper?
possibly the eroticization of relieved bowels
will disintegrate your shallow ego
your hallow ego
your okra, your dildo, your potato skin
your whole agenda
is divided into white, black
and every shade of disbelief in between
you owe us nothing
yet, take everything for yourself
you have already begun to undress yourself
in front of the whole world
this is why I could never love you
everything and nothing is left for me
artificial light battles me lightly
attempting to write my own autobiography
after all of my slander has passed into idiocy
eternally grateful for the hateful anonymity
of the blanket of digital stars
emptiness knows his name
emptiness knows my name
attempting to remember where it all began
only the strong shall survive violence
only the violent survive silence
the silent will collect money, data, goggles, and heat
the mute button
writing for one more ride
one last chance
it is I who will write the story of our decline
every passive aggressive
nonsensical bit of censorship
sucks up the savory worthlessness of its own ego
I forgot you
I forgot to indulge you
I forgot to follow you
instruct you and dominate you
you have unwritten our own story
our own revolution
I can comfortably move forward
knowing that our reticence
represents an ending
a quiet apocalypse
the mute orgasm of the smile
forget me forgetting you
it is over.
In the past year, via social media, I have developed a series of conversations with a young woman from Iran. Her name is Nilufar Farahmand and there really is nobody in my general periphery who can even speak of the things we typically converse with one another about. Our messages span the spectrum of topics like individuation, existentialism, the spiritual meaning of events and experiences, and a number of other esoteric topics related to art, music, and the creative act.
Sometimes she even speaks poetically and it is beautiful and touching like nothing I ever come across on social media.
"A friend asked me how I recently connected to the sky
I moved objects
I dreamed good and bad things
I prayed good and bad
I painted strange pictures with unknown sources
but I still don't know the exact way I connected to the sky"
Speaking to me
on Facebook Messenger
I am not joking, Nilufar actually writes to me this way. Please follow her Instagram account. She's amazing and I don't think I know any artist quite like her.
Cyberpunk futurism —those visions of the excess of technology and amusements—have passed into a permanent state of retro-prophecy, with each passing year marking the expiration date of technological ideation, the adherents of this outmoded futurism can only be disappointed that their wildest dreams of romance and fantasy have never come into being, leaving them perpetually and virtually unfulfilled in a novel state of aesthetic immaturity.
Composer, Artist, Writer