I’ve been working with models. Well, I “worked” with one “model”. The rest are girls and women who have been messaging me about setting up shoots, and have failed to set up any shoots. The one who came through, managed to contact me, set up a shoot, show up, get drunk, pose, pop pills, and nearly crash her car in a matter of 24 hours.
I have to admit, the situation has left me disillusioned. I suppose it is the state I live in, or the fact that countless artists and photographers have disillusioned the talent by inviting them over to shoot and then trying to fuck them, rendering my efforts in vain. I could analyze the situation a thousand different ways but I don’t think it’s completely necessary to go over this fact again and again, the fact that I am disillusioned with the search for models for my art.
Making matters worse is the vague apocalyptic scenario that America finds itself in at the moment, the country certainly does seem on the verge of collapse and here I am, trying to build a fucking career! It’s a rather exciting time to be alive in a sense, but the fact is that the largest mass murder in American history was committed this year in Las Vegas (again, the largest was committed last year in 2016 in Orlando). The planet gets hotter and hotter and our violence grows in immensity with each passing year. The weather becomes tempestuous and erratic and our gunfire becomes stormy and chaotic. We are products of our destroyed environment.
What I do know is that right now, as an artist, as a member of the creative community, the modes of production are back in my hands. I can up-cycle materials to create paintings, to create installations, to create assemblage, and then photograph the work in my own home and endlessly share it online, even making adjustments in Photoshop to each reiteration (re: Baudrillard’s Evil Demon of Images). Can we even call this capitalism anymore? If one is willing to suffer and ignore that pain, one can assume all responsibility and treat objects as objects, material as material, and humans as obstacles and ultimately become one’s own boss. This isn’t a form of self-employment as an artist, this is a true embrace of minimalism.
I do not mean minimalism in a formal sense or aesthetic sense, but in terms of building something from nothing, building the biggest fucking buildings from absolutely nothing. We are in the middle of the beginning of the era when our own inventions and science are beginning to turn on us and devour us (guns, climate change, polluted water, our own inept lawmaking, etc.). For me, in this moment, the big question is how to earn enough money to pay my minimal overhead and afford me the luxury of hanging out on the weekends without ever answering to another boss, teacher, or mentor? Because fuck parents (re: authority figures). They left us with this accursed inheritance we call the future.